This is me…

I’ve been trying to come up with a new name for myself here. I’m not the introverted runner anymore because I only run when my knee lets me and even then, it’s just treadmill running which is not the same as actually running outside and don’t argue with me…it’s just not the same. For a minute I thought about going by ‘the gray haired college student’ but I died my hair to give the finger to those gray hairs. I’ll think of something that’s hopefully equal parts clever and adorable.

I have class all day tomorrow. Human anatomy lecture in the morning and then the lab in the afternoon, I was reading the first couple chapters of my text today to try to be the class know-it-all but holy hell it was dull! This is stuff I need to know since I’m going into the medical field but omg I could barely read a paragraph before my eyes started crossing and head started bobbing. I know the class will be much more interesting but I’m going to need a shot of something to take in this material outside of that.

I’ve officially started work with a nutritionist. We’re doing everything via email and an app but she seems lovely. She has me just measuring and logging my food right now, she wants me to focus on the macro’s rather than the calories and it has been eye-opening. She sent me the limits I should be staying in for protein, carbs and fats every day. If I wasn’t looking at macros, like I’ve done in the past, and just looked at calories, I would think I was doing pretty good. However, throwing macros in the mix just paints a clearer picture on why I struggle with my diet and losing weight in general. I exceed my daily carbs and fat by lunch and I barely hit my protein minimum before bed. I’m already thinking about little tweaks I can make to improve but I already know this is going to be a challenge…but I know I will look good and be better for it.

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Ready to run…

Well, it’s official: my treadmill is the best money I’ve spent in a long time. Even though it was a headache to put together and then have to wait for an additional wire, it was worth it because I love it. I’ve been on it every morning for the last 4 days and it’s just such a nice way to start the day, even if I’m just walking at an incline. I have started using it for running. I’m still on program 1 of the pre-set weight loss workouts and this morning I did it twice which meant 16 minutes of running (2×8 minute runs at 5 mph and, yes, to some people that may just be a jog but for me it was a run and it was amazing!). I am now officially worn out. I will get on it again tomorrow but will stick with walking on a small incline so I can have some active rest.

I had an interesting moment last night. The Super NES classic edition that I have been ogling ever since it’s release in September was actually available on Amazon for it’s retail price of $79.99. It was in my cart, my credit card info was in, all I had to do was hit ‘submit the order’ and I could have had it in my living room today. Which means I would have spent the day sitting in front of the t.v., controller in hand, hunched over, probably a little drool coming out the side of my mouth. Okay, that’s how I spent a few hours today anyways but, regardless, it just didn’t feel right. I thought it was because money’s tight and, with shipping, it would’ve cost close to $100. It was something else though. As much as I do want the Super NES classic, it’s not top of my priority list. I want a punching bag. The one I’ve had my eye on for the last few weeks is $300 but the smaller version of it is only $139. I want it and I will have it after Christmas (on the off-chance someone got it for me as a gift, I doubt it but I’m erring on the side of caution). The moral of this story: I passed on getting something I really want but would just keep me planted on the couch for something else that I really want but would get me moving and make me healthier. This is significant progress people! Yay me!

You’re my wonderwall…

Well the treadmill earned its keep today. Since I got it up and running I’ve only been using it to walk on an incline. This is partly because I’m worried that I’m too out of shape to run and also because the console wasn’t secured yet. I secured it last night and decided to do something different this morning and try out one of the pre-programmed workouts. I started with the very first one since that just seemed logical. It was a 20 minute workout with no incline at 3 mph. It was basically a mall walker pace for me but I could feel it getting my heart pumping so I stuck with it. I was surprised then when it picked it up 4 mph and then 5 which, for me, was steady jog, almost run. I held it for 10 minutes before it went back down to 4 and then 3. It felt great! My knee was sore at the beginning but then it subsided. I started a second round but I felt a side stitch coming on so I cancelled the program and walked at 3% incline for 15 minutes which was a nice ending.

I lost my mojo over the weekend. My mom and I traveled to Pennsylvania to meet up with my brother and his fiance to have our own mini Christmas. I took everything I needed but between the lack of alone time and privacy, I didn’t stick with it. Monday I was tired from the weekend and Tuesday had the momentum of apathy pushing me forward but I could feel the unhappiness of bad habits creeping in and I just can’t let that happen especially since good things are starting to occur like job interviews. So this morning, after sleeping in until the glorious hour of 8:30 a.m. (I can’t remember the last time I did that). I put my ass on the treadmill and it’s been great day ever since.

While I get back into my self-care checklist I am also working on being more grateful which is something I’ve worked on in the past but I feel like I’ve taken it to a whole other level now. I know in the past I’ve struggled to come up with just 3 things to be truly grateful and that seems completely absurd now. I look around me and there are countless things I can be grateful for: my house, my furniture, my electronics, the food in my kitchen, the sunshine, the money I’ve had to get all this with and, most importantly, the people who have worked so hard to create and make these amazing things for me. I’ve ripped my heart open to gratitude and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.

We gonna let it burn, burn, burn…

When I left Wichita and was at the start of this prolonged vacation, I declared that I never wanted to wake up to an alarm again. Almost a month later and I miss my alarm. I miss the accountability, the motivation to get out of bed every morning. My animals are kind enough to let lay in bed until around 7:30 a.m. before they start demanding breakfast and the bathroom. If it wasn’t for them I probably would have spent more days in bed than out. It’s not that I don’t have purpose in my day, I just don’t have as much urgency. I don’t have that mandatory push every morning. As nice as it is to have those days where you can sleep in as long as you want (or as long as your pets will allow) to many of those days and they lose the magic.

I set my alarm this morning for 6 a.m. I woke up a little before, went to the bathroom and got back in bed. The alarm went off, I fiddled on my phone and 30 minutes later I got out of bed and made my way to my mini home gym. I didn’t have a rigorous workout by any means, I mostly focused on my physical therapy exercises that I haven’t done in over a month, but I had my alarm to nudge me out of bed and I had an immediate purpose and my day felt much better than it did the day before.

On a side note: I took my pre-workout supplement to give me a push this morning and, to be honest, it didn’t do much. It’s just hard to workout in the morning in general. I have a bottle of thermogenic in my cabinet and I’m debating on whether or not to use them sparingly until I get a solid morning routine down. I’d rather not become reliant on these pills for a good workout but I’m not a coffee drinker so I don’t know how to get that big kick in the morning. If anyone has suggestions please let me know. I’m open to anything at this point.

Take a break…

Welp, I made a decision today. I’m taking a sabbatical from running. Well, I’m taking a sabbatical from wanting to run. Every day is the same, I say ‘I’m going to pull on my big girl panties and some warm clothes and go for a run in the fall/winter weather. It’s happened twice in the 19 days that I’ve been here. What’s worse is I tend to put my day on hold while I go through this vicious cycle that never comes to fruition. So I’m done. Running is no longer a job requirement so that pressure is off but it’s replaced by my own pressure and that just doesn’t fly.

I have a turkey trot on Thursday (which I met my fundraising goals for thanks to a generous donation from my brother of all people) and then I’m done running until I want to run so bad that nothing stops me. I still want to do some interval runs on a treadmill for the sake of cardio. I’m not giving up on my health, hell, I’ve lost 8 pounds in the last 20 days just from less stress and eating and I don’t want that to go to waste. I’m just going to take the colder months to focus on trying new things and building strength and flexibility. In the spring I’d like to work on 5k training and then 10k training. For the sake of my arthritic ankles and inflamed knee I think I’ll be just pleased as punch with those distances.I’m done setting myself up for failure and I know this is the right choice for me right now. It’s just a new chapter in life and that warrants some re-examinations.

You’re so cold…

Tomorrow I am slated to run 1.75 miles on my 5k training plan. Tomorrow is also supposed to hit a high of 50 degrees. This is amazing news! I love running in the cold! I am a cold weather runner, that is when I’m at my best. I don’t like the heat, the humidity, the sun baking me. I like starting off cold and warming up with a cool breeze hitting the face to balance the warmth. Throw in some rain drops and I’m in heaven. I’m excited to break out some leggings and long sleeves. There have been a few days lately where the weather has been in the awkward in between of hot and cold, do I wear a tank or a tee, shorts or capris? I’m excited for a run that I actually know.

When I have managed to peel myself off the couch this weekend I’ve been working on packing up the house. My mood hasn’t been the greatest, my vibes are low but I haven’t started the downward depression spiral (I’m fighting dammit!). As I was getting a few things sorted today and I was thinking about the boring day ahead of me at work tomorrow I remembered, my days are limited, seriously, like 15 duty days. So yeah, I may have some dull work days but they aren’t forever, they are dwindling right before my eyes. How exciting is that?! I think I have some latent fear and anxiety that is dampening my mood but I will focus on the good. If money is my biggest concern (it is) then I’m not doing so bad.

Today I like(d):

  1. Knocking more things off my to-do list.
  2. Doing my strength workout without having to take a pre-workout supplement to get the energy for it!
  3. That so many places were open!
  4. That I didn’t have to work.
  5. That I slept super good!

It must be for real, because now I can feel…

The last couple days have been pretty identical: I wake up, knock off the tasks of my to-do list, check the box of my 5k training, take a break on the couch and remain there for 6-8 hours with occasional snack run to the kitchen and bathroom break. I made an honest effort at doing some strength training this afternoon. 3 p.m. rolled around and I wanted to take advantage of the free time so I headed to the basement, knocked out my leg lifts for physical therapy…and that was it.

I spent the rest of the time down there trying to figure out what to do with my workout routine. Running is key, that’s my goal and my love so that is a staple. I want to be strong too. I’ve been doing some light weight strength exercises and I liked lifting when I did it regularly, I had good results but I don’t want to be heavy when I run, I want to be light and lean. So I asked myself, besides running, what are my other fitness goals? They were pretty easy to answer because they haven’t changed: I want to be able to do pull-ups (in essence handle my own body weight) and I want to be able to defend myself if the time comes. Those are such easy fixes it seems almost too easy. I have a pull up stand and I have an internet connection. I also have classes left at the kickboxing studio. I looked up a good routine on how to train to do a pull up, seems doable. I also want to build a strong core (bring sexy back, heeeyyyyy), a strong back (I’m not getting younger) and get leaner legs. I think the legs will just comes with time and training since I already focus so much on them but I can definitely up my core routine since I don’t really have one and that will also help strengthen my back.

The final cherry on this fitness sundae: I need to stop shitting around on my diet. Today, 90% of my calories came from donuts. I bought a half-dozen this morning thinking they’d take me through tomorrow…they didn’t. They lasted me through dinner. If I want results, real results, I’ve got to get the food piece on track. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made amazing strides in improving my diet. A regular Friday night meal used to be a small pepperoni pizza and a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s. I used to be able to eat an entire box of mac and cheese and follow it up with a whole box of fruit roll ups. I’ve come far in my eating and my self-control, I like baby steps so maybe it’s time for one more, trying to stay under my daily calorie counts. I’d be lying if I said I was honestly tracking my calories the last few days. I know I’m in better condition than I was a month ago but I’m ready for more change.

Today I like(d):

  1. When my cat demands my attention. it’s an honor.
  2. That I found a place that offers free vacuums for the car. It was a nice find.
  3. That my brothers fiancée and I have some shared interests.