I’ve been trying to come up with a new name for myself here. I’m not the introverted runner anymore because I only run when my knee lets me and even then, it’s just treadmill running which is not the same as actually running outside and don’t argue with me…it’s just not the same. For a minute I thought about going by ‘the gray haired college student’ but I died my hair to give the finger to those gray hairs. I’ll think of something that’s hopefully equal parts clever and adorable.
I have class all day tomorrow. Human anatomy lecture in the morning and then the lab in the afternoon, I was reading the first couple chapters of my text today to try to be the class know-it-all but holy hell it was dull! This is stuff I need to know since I’m going into the medical field but omg I could barely read a paragraph before my eyes started crossing and head started bobbing. I know the class will be much more interesting but I’m going to need a shot of something to take in this material outside of that.
I’ve officially started work with a nutritionist. We’re doing everything via email and an app but she seems lovely. She has me just measuring and logging my food right now, she wants me to focus on the macro’s rather than the calories and it has been eye-opening. She sent me the limits I should be staying in for protein, carbs and fats every day. If I wasn’t looking at macros, like I’ve done in the past, and just looked at calories, I would think I was doing pretty good. However, throwing macros in the mix just paints a clearer picture on why I struggle with my diet and losing weight in general. I exceed my daily carbs and fat by lunch and I barely hit my protein minimum before bed. I’m already thinking about little tweaks I can make to improve but I already know this is going to be a challenge…but I know I will look good and be better for it.
Well, it’s official: my treadmill is the best money I’ve spent in a long time. Even though it was a headache to put together and then have to wait for an additional wire, it was worth it because I love it. I’ve been on it every morning for the last 4 days and it’s just such a nice way to start the day, even if I’m just walking at an incline. I have started using it for running. I’m still on program 1 of the pre-set weight loss workouts and this morning I did it twice which meant 16 minutes of running (2×8 minute runs at 5 mph and, yes, to some people that may just be a jog but for me it was a run and it was amazing!). I am now officially worn out. I will get on it again tomorrow but will stick with walking on a small incline so I can have some active rest.
I had an interesting moment last night. The Super NES classic edition that I have been ogling ever since it’s release in September was actually available on Amazon for it’s retail price of $79.99. It was in my cart, my credit card info was in, all I had to do was hit ‘submit the order’ and I could have had it in my living room today. Which means I would have spent the day sitting in front of the t.v., controller in hand, hunched over, probably a little drool coming out the side of my mouth. Okay, that’s how I spent a few hours today anyways but, regardless, it just didn’t feel right. I thought it was because money’s tight and, with shipping, it would’ve cost close to $100. It was something else though. As much as I do want the Super NES classic, it’s not top of my priority list. I want a punching bag. The one I’ve had my eye on for the last few weeks is $300 but the smaller version of it is only $139. I want it and I will have it after Christmas (on the off-chance someone got it for me as a gift, I doubt it but I’m erring on the side of caution). The moral of this story: I passed on getting something I really want but would just keep me planted on the couch for something else that I really want but would get me moving and make me healthier. This is significant progress people! Yay me!
Well the treadmill earned its keep today. Since I got it up and running I’ve only been using it to walk on an incline. This is partly because I’m worried that I’m too out of shape to run and also because the console wasn’t secured yet. I secured it last night and decided to do something different this morning and try out one of the pre-programmed workouts. I started with the very first one since that just seemed logical. It was a 20 minute workout with no incline at 3 mph. It was basically a mall walker pace for me but I could feel it getting my heart pumping so I stuck with it. I was surprised then when it picked it up 4 mph and then 5 which, for me, was steady jog, almost run. I held it for 10 minutes before it went back down to 4 and then 3. It felt great! My knee was sore at the beginning but then it subsided. I started a second round but I felt a side stitch coming on so I cancelled the program and walked at 3% incline for 15 minutes which was a nice ending.
I lost my mojo over the weekend. My mom and I traveled to Pennsylvania to meet up with my brother and his fiance to have our own mini Christmas. I took everything I needed but between the lack of alone time and privacy, I didn’t stick with it. Monday I was tired from the weekend and Tuesday had the momentum of apathy pushing me forward but I could feel the unhappiness of bad habits creeping in and I just can’t let that happen especially since good things are starting to occur like job interviews. So this morning, after sleeping in until the glorious hour of 8:30 a.m. (I can’t remember the last time I did that). I put my ass on the treadmill and it’s been great day ever since.
While I get back into my self-care checklist I am also working on being more grateful which is something I’ve worked on in the past but I feel like I’ve taken it to a whole other level now. I know in the past I’ve struggled to come up with just 3 things to be truly grateful and that seems completely absurd now. I look around me and there are countless things I can be grateful for: my house, my furniture, my electronics, the food in my kitchen, the sunshine, the money I’ve had to get all this with and, most importantly, the people who have worked so hard to create and make these amazing things for me. I’ve ripped my heart open to gratitude and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.
My treadmill arrived as late as possible on Monday. All day I was like a kid on Christmas morning, just waiting to get the box that had the puppy. It arrived and it was huge! Any thought I had of putting it together that night were dashed when I realized I couldn’t lift the 100+lb base out of the box without help. The next day, the guy next door came over to help me. He left after the heavy lifting and proceeded to put the beast together. I tightened the last of the screws, plugged it in…and nothing. It didn’t work. I was furious.
The next day I called the manufacturer and they did some trouble shooting with me on the phone and determined that it must be a bad wire so they were going to send me a new one. I’m still a little disappointed that I don’t have a working treadmill to get on first thing in the morning but, hopefully, this wire will fix it. In the mean time, I’m doing small workouts in the morning to help me get going, with the help of a thermogenic. However, rather than taking three pills before breakfast and in the afternoon (per the directions) I just take one before I work out and it gets me moving. So far so good.
I’ve also built a daily self-care checklist for myself to help keep myself on track since I’ve lost almost all structure in my day. I used said checklist on Wednesday and felt great. I didn’t use it yesterday, because I was cranky, and didn’t feel great. I’ve been using it today and I’m having another great day. This may not fix everything but it’s definitely a step in the right direction!
When I left Wichita and was at the start of this prolonged vacation, I declared that I never wanted to wake up to an alarm again. Almost a month later and I miss my alarm. I miss the accountability, the motivation to get out of bed every morning. My animals are kind enough to let lay in bed until around 7:30 a.m. before they start demanding breakfast and the bathroom. If it wasn’t for them I probably would have spent more days in bed than out. It’s not that I don’t have purpose in my day, I just don’t have as much urgency. I don’t have that mandatory push every morning. As nice as it is to have those days where you can sleep in as long as you want (or as long as your pets will allow) to many of those days and they lose the magic.
I set my alarm this morning for 6 a.m. I woke up a little before, went to the bathroom and got back in bed. The alarm went off, I fiddled on my phone and 30 minutes later I got out of bed and made my way to my mini home gym. I didn’t have a rigorous workout by any means, I mostly focused on my physical therapy exercises that I haven’t done in over a month, but I had my alarm to nudge me out of bed and I had an immediate purpose and my day felt much better than it did the day before.
On a side note: I took my pre-workout supplement to give me a push this morning and, to be honest, it didn’t do much. It’s just hard to workout in the morning in general. I have a bottle of thermogenic in my cabinet and I’m debating on whether or not to use them sparingly until I get a solid morning routine down. I’d rather not become reliant on these pills for a good workout but I’m not a coffee drinker so I don’t know how to get that big kick in the morning. If anyone has suggestions please let me know. I’m open to anything at this point.
Where to start…My house is empty, movers came on Thursday and all my stuff is being shipped to Indiana. It could be there in a few days, it could be there in a couple weeks, it could be there in a month, who knows. My mom arrived yesterday and today she started becoming overbearing and making comments that gave me anxiety. I have 7 work days left, a townhome to get cleaned and a life to keep together. I ran two miles yesterday so yay for that. Shit’s getting real and I don’t want to stop it but I just want to hear that it will all be okay…I go back and forth from being super excited to scared shitless. C’est la vie I suppose.
Well for all my big talk yesterday about how much I love running in the cold, I almost wussed out on my run today. I told myself that I could use today as my rest day and run tomorrow when it’s warmer…then I told myself I need to acclimate and I’ve run in colder. I went out there with leggings and a thick hoody, faced the chill and the wind…and felt like a complete baby when I passed people in tanks, tees and shorts. It was 50 degrees and windy, I wasn’t about to go out with anything less than I had on. I actually got a little irritated at those other people, how dare they handle the cold better than me and make me feel bad about myself…and who are they to be showing off their fit bodies, taking care of themselves better than I do, jeesh, the nerve I tell ya…Yes I was irritated but, obviously, I was mad at myself and not them. Not mad…frustrated, I guess.
I’m still struggling to bring my good vibes back. Sometimes I think maybe I just need a hug and that will right things. That’s the problem with being single and having friends in different time zones, you have to make do with what you have. I try to hug my dog and cat but they just look at me like I’m inconveniencing them with my love…this has taken a weird turn, I should quit while I’m ahead…