Where to start…My house is empty, movers came on Thursday and all my stuff is being shipped to Indiana. It could be there in a few days, it could be there in a couple weeks, it could be there in a month, who knows. My mom arrived yesterday and today she started becoming overbearing and making comments that gave me anxiety. I have 7 work days left, a townhome to get cleaned and a life to keep together. I ran two miles yesterday so yay for that. Shit’s getting real and I don’t want to stop it but I just want to hear that it will all be okay…I go back and forth from being super excited to scared shitless. C’est la vie I suppose.
Well for all my big talk yesterday about how much I love running in the cold, I almost wussed out on my run today. I told myself that I could use today as my rest day and run tomorrow when it’s warmer…then I told myself I need to acclimate and I’ve run in colder. I went out there with leggings and a thick hoody, faced the chill and the wind…and felt like a complete baby when I passed people in tanks, tees and shorts. It was 50 degrees and windy, I wasn’t about to go out with anything less than I had on. I actually got a little irritated at those other people, how dare they handle the cold better than me and make me feel bad about myself…and who are they to be showing off their fit bodies, taking care of themselves better than I do, jeesh, the nerve I tell ya…Yes I was irritated but, obviously, I was mad at myself and not them. Not mad…frustrated, I guess.
I’m still struggling to bring my good vibes back. Sometimes I think maybe I just need a hug and that will right things. That’s the problem with being single and having friends in different time zones, you have to make do with what you have. I try to hug my dog and cat but they just look at me like I’m inconveniencing them with my love…this has taken a weird turn, I should quit while I’m ahead…
Tomorrow I am slated to run 1.75 miles on my 5k training plan. Tomorrow is also supposed to hit a high of 50 degrees. This is amazing news! I love running in the cold! I am a cold weather runner, that is when I’m at my best. I don’t like the heat, the humidity, the sun baking me. I like starting off cold and warming up with a cool breeze hitting the face to balance the warmth. Throw in some rain drops and I’m in heaven. I’m excited to break out some leggings and long sleeves. There have been a few days lately where the weather has been in the awkward in between of hot and cold, do I wear a tank or a tee, shorts or capris? I’m excited for a run that I actually know.
When I have managed to peel myself off the couch this weekend I’ve been working on packing up the house. My mood hasn’t been the greatest, my vibes are low but I haven’t started the downward depression spiral (I’m fighting dammit!). As I was getting a few things sorted today and I was thinking about the boring day ahead of me at work tomorrow I remembered, my days are limited, seriously, like 15 duty days. So yeah, I may have some dull work days but they aren’t forever, they are dwindling right before my eyes. How exciting is that?! I think I have some latent fear and anxiety that is dampening my mood but I will focus on the good. If money is my biggest concern (it is) then I’m not doing so bad.
Today I like(d):
- Knocking more things off my to-do list.
- Doing my strength workout without having to take a pre-workout supplement to get the energy for it!
- That so many places were open!
- That I didn’t have to work.
- That I slept super good!
The last couple days have been pretty identical: I wake up, knock off the tasks of my to-do list, check the box of my 5k training, take a break on the couch and remain there for 6-8 hours with occasional snack run to the kitchen and bathroom break. I made an honest effort at doing some strength training this afternoon. 3 p.m. rolled around and I wanted to take advantage of the free time so I headed to the basement, knocked out my leg lifts for physical therapy…and that was it.
I spent the rest of the time down there trying to figure out what to do with my workout routine. Running is key, that’s my goal and my love so that is a staple. I want to be strong too. I’ve been doing some light weight strength exercises and I liked lifting when I did it regularly, I had good results but I don’t want to be heavy when I run, I want to be light and lean. So I asked myself, besides running, what are my other fitness goals? They were pretty easy to answer because they haven’t changed: I want to be able to do pull-ups (in essence handle my own body weight) and I want to be able to defend myself if the time comes. Those are such easy fixes it seems almost too easy. I have a pull up stand and I have an internet connection. I also have classes left at the kickboxing studio. I looked up a good routine on how to train to do a pull up, seems doable. I also want to build a strong core (bring sexy back, heeeyyyyy), a strong back (I’m not getting younger) and get leaner legs. I think the legs will just comes with time and training since I already focus so much on them but I can definitely up my core routine since I don’t really have one and that will also help strengthen my back.
The final cherry on this fitness sundae: I need to stop shitting around on my diet. Today, 90% of my calories came from donuts. I bought a half-dozen this morning thinking they’d take me through tomorrow…they didn’t. They lasted me through dinner. If I want results, real results, I’ve got to get the food piece on track. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made amazing strides in improving my diet. A regular Friday night meal used to be a small pepperoni pizza and a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s. I used to be able to eat an entire box of mac and cheese and follow it up with a whole box of fruit roll ups. I’ve come far in my eating and my self-control, I like baby steps so maybe it’s time for one more, trying to stay under my daily calorie counts. I’d be lying if I said I was honestly tracking my calories the last few days. I know I’m in better condition than I was a month ago but I’m ready for more change.
Today I like(d):
- When my cat demands my attention. it’s an honor.
- That I found a place that offers free vacuums for the car. It was a nice find.
- That my brothers fiancée and I have some shared interests.
I’m a big believer in ‘clean house, clean mind.’ I think when your surroundings are neat and orderly it’s much easier to mentally and spiritually align yourself. I think that is a piece of what’s been bringing me down lately. I’m trying to get my house ready for moving and that means getting things in one spot and deciding what I’m putting in my car and what’s getting packed up and shipped with the movers. What the movers take I won’t see for a couple of weeks, maybe a month, so that doesn’t help either. A couple of days ago I reactivated my Hulu account and found my favorite guilty pleasure shows (Say Yes to the Dress, Fixer Upper and Kardashians) along with almost every show I was watched as kid (TGIF) so I’ve spent most of the day on the couch (after running and hitting my 10,000 steps thankyouverymuch) in front of the T.V. but the last couple hours I have rallied and got my ‘stuff’ collection point organized which already makes me feel a lot better. Tomorrow is the car!
On a side note: The puppy I found last weekend is at the humane society and up for adoption. I so badly want to go get him. I’m going to go visit him tomorrow, just to say hi. I think I need that closure because, rationally, I know I don’t need another sweet little mouth to feed but, emotionally, I feel such a connection with that little guy and I want to be his forever home. Maybe I just need to give him a last belly rub and wish him the best.
Today I like(d):
- Seeing that handsome little guy looking healthy and happy.
- That my dog made it her whole walk without having to take a break, she’s got a lot of life in her yet!
- Treating myself to two pair of new shoes!
- Getting things together.
- That I found the motivation to run this morning!
I had a thought last night. There’s so much negative in the world right now. There’s positive too but, I feel like, the negative is louder and it gets more attention. I need a balance. I need to put something positive out to help slide the scales in favor of the positive. I’ve been trying to be more generous lately and that can sometimes be daunting so may be just be positive. Say something nice to someone or post a positive meme on social media just because it may make someone smile. I’m, by no means, a cheerful or upbeat person (I’m working on getting closer to it though) but I refuse to be a contributor to the nastiness of the world.
I ran 1.5 miles today and now I think I may legs may actually fall off. They were sore all day and then I ran and now I am wiped out but in a good way. In a ‘I am going to sleep really good tonight’ kind of way. I think I’m getting a little better every day.
Today I like(d):
- That I was able to give someone a nice gift and they appreciated it.
- Getting my t.v. out of my bedroom, no screens where you sleep is the way to go.
- The butterfly that ran a little ways with me.
- That the knee strap I bought kept most of pain away during my run.
- That all my out processing is going nice and smooth.
- That I have money always on its way to me!
Yesterday morning I woke up, put on my running gear with every intention of going out…then that plan derailed. I was taking the dog out for her morning poop walk and we found a hound puppy that was abandoned in the fenced in area around one of the community pools. The little guy couldn’t get himself out, his shoulders didn’t fit through the gaps in the fence and I wasn’t tall enough or strong enough to get myself over the fence. The pool is closed for the season so the gate was chained and padlocked. I wasn’t going to leave this little guy in there so I got a sheet, tied the corners together to make a pocket and eventually coaxed him in. I managed to lift him up and over the fence without either of us getting hurt. I went over all my options on what to do with this sweetheart but I eventually determined that he probably needed medical care (he wouldn’t stop shaking and sounded like he was having a hard time breathing) and I couldn’t afford that right now. So I took him to the local emergency vet and turned him in under their good samaritan program. They would give him whatever care he needed and then he will go to the humane society to find a home. Part of me wishes I would’ve kept him and re-homed him myself or even kept him but, sometimes, you have to face the reality of your circumstances and I couldn’t take in a sick puppy. However, it was a great reminder that this is what I was put here for, to help those who can’t help themselves, even the furry ones. I did the best I could with what I have and I hope that the little guy finds a home that loves him and doesn’t abandon him again.
I did manage to make my run this morning though. I didn’t run the whole week so I was hesitant but I ran a mile and a half and it was, dare I say, pleasant. The weather was cool, my joints are loaded with two days of supplements, it was nice. I could still feel some soreness in my knee but I’ll keep an eye on it and see what happens with these supplements. After everything yesterday I didn’t do much but lay on the couch so I’m making up for it today by trying to get things done in the house and stay active. I want to kick this month of self-care in the balls, lovingly.
Today I like(d):
- Taking the dog on a longer walk.
- Being able to help.
- That I had just the right amount of money for the groceries I got and that included everything on my list.
- That my mom was encouraging to me rather than discouraging.